And there were 6

So, I dont write about fostering all that much, but I decided to today.  We have had the sweetest little boy for the past 16 months and it looks like we are going to be keeping him!  It has been a roller coaster ride as most foster placements are.  For a long time it looked like little pip squeak was going home, so I had to wrap my heart and my head around that.  Now things have taken a turn and it looks like we are going to be a family of 6!  I am nervous about the up coming months and all that we are going to have to go through to get there, but thats ok.  I cant wait to see what God has in store for all of us in this situation!

Don't sweat the small stuff....but to me nothing is small

 I am sitting here watching my kids play and be loud and well.....just be kids and I am full of anxiety.  I have always wanted a big family, lots of babies, but I feel like I am failing at this.  I have such a hard time just sitting and enjoying my kids, it seems like they drive me crazy MOST of the time.  I want so badly to be a good, fun mom that just lets everything roll off, but I cant and I find myself stressed, screaming, and having anxiety attacks.  Parenting does not come easy for me and never has.  I did not grow up with good parents that taught me so most of the "normal" parenting that I have seen has been in bits at friends houses and on TV.  I know that sounds nuts but its kinda hard to learn to be a parent when you haven't really had any and watching a 30 minute episode of Roseanne just doesn't cut it.